How do we adopt our sponsored child from Africa?

Anonymous

A noble deed would be to offer a child’s MOTHER monthly support so she can help raise her child and get the boy needed schooling

Kelly

He already has a mother, it's inhumane to remove a child from their mother for no reason. To adopt a child he/she needs to be free and clear for adoption, he is not. Also in the U.S. to adopt as a couple most states require you be married. You also need a home study to adopt. Being in a better financial position doesn't make you a better parent or the best person to raise anyone's child. My husband and I do foster care, my husband is a physician. With his salary we can provide a quite comfortable life for a child and everything they want, within reason. However, that doesn't make us the better fit for them than their parents are. That doesn't take away the bond between these kids and their parents. Kids are in foster care for a variety reason, none of those reasons are anything the kids did them selves. Their parents have a lot of struggles and many of them work quite hard to turn their lives around to get their kids back. It's not my job to take the place of their parents, but to help them along the way while their parents are straightening things out.

aloha.girl59

This child doesn't need to be adopted. He needs to stay with his mother. Your fiance' is doing the right thing by sponsoring him so that he has the things he needs to survive. You could really help him by providing even more money or goods so that he has more food, more education, etc. You are only "helping" yourselves if you adopt him. I'm sure his mother loves him and is doing the best she can. Help him to stay with his mother. That's the best thing for him.

Suzy Q

I mostly think you need to give a little more consideration to this before you start researching international adoption agencies. First of all, this boy HAS a mother. A mother who had him at an extremely young age, but still his mother. What does she think about this idea? Have you even talked to her? She might be horrified at the idea of giving up her son. And then you say you want to do this when you're married and stable. Which is generally a good idea, but how long will that take? Two years? Five years? The boy is already 5. How long will it remain a good idea to pluck him from his life and drop him in a foreign country? Will you be ready for the challenges of raising an uneducated preteen who has nothing in common with his peers, is homesick, and going through culture shock? You need to consider carefully whether adoption is REALLY in this boy's best interest. It may be better to keep sponsoring him there.

StayAtHomeMomOnTheGo

You probably can not. In order to adopt him, the child would have to be adoptable. It does not sound as if he is.

Fuggie Bunnies

Well, Africa is a continent--so you'd need to look in the country of Uganda specifics on adoption. The US also has its own laws and requires. Before anything, get a family lawyer that specializes in this stuff. Do not use "shady" adoption agencies. It's very common for these agencies to make money off trafficking children. Adoption in countries on the continent of Africa is a tricky thing because parents are often tricked into signing papers and they don't realize they've legally relinquished custody over their children. So you'll want to be as squeaky clean about this as possible. I think from a moral standpoint, you'll want to sit down and speak with the child and then the mother--separately. Also, you'll be inclined to say "he'll have a better life" but refrain from this when speaking with the mother. Statements like those run along an emotional argument that elicits guilt in the mother. I think the mother will have a hard enough time hearing that you want to take her son home with you. Do you have a relationship with the child emotionally? It sounds like you don't have an emotional connection created from in-person meetings and conversations. You'll need to build that up and make certain everything fits--particularly because this is a cognizant child. He knows and he understands enough. He'll know that he's being taken away from mom. So deeply consider how you're going to form that emotional bond. Saying things like "she doesn't care about him" is not going to win any judge over and if you say it in a Ugandan court, they'll see you as self-righteous white people trying to impose your standards on a developing nation. You are concerned for him and want what's best for him, so frame your argument that way in front of the judge because that's how you legally obtain custody over him. You'll need both the mother and the judge to sign custody over to you and your future husband. You mentioned martial staus. 2020 is a long time away and adoption could also take years because this is international. In general, children do not normally go to singles or cohabitants. Agencies and governments like to see a solid marriage because it's a signal of stability. Not to be mean, but an engagement ring doesn't mean much to them either. You'll have evaluated. probably. You'll have to get references to your character too. You'll need to give them your financial information too, to prove you can provide for him without any trouble. There will be doctors and psychologists involved as well. You'll probably be screened. And while it's not necessary, you'll want to apply for citizenship for the boy, himself. Bringing him over and not getting him any citizenship could spell disaster for him in the future. Citizenship and international adoption aren't simultaneous things though to get the processes going in tandem to one another. So you'll have a really hard uphill battle legally. Just remember: lawyers and US-based adoption agencies as a team will help you get through this process. Also, as a side note, you really might want to work on your mental conception of his mother. You may not like her but you seem to have degraded her and her humanity, in your mind. I think even if you get gain custody over him, it won't do him emotionally any good for you degrade his mother to him. He's old enough to have memories of her. Circumstances in many African nations are rough. Do you know how he was conceived? Rape could have been the reason why she's so young. His father could have been murdered by gangs in the area. He could have died of an infectious disease. Also, ask yourself if you're going to try to replace her. Would be okay if he had two moms? One in Africa and you? Will you allow continued contact? What happens if he asked you about her? Asks to visit her? You also said "love each other and love him" which sort suggests you're in love with the idea of being parents rather than the job itself. You put yourselves in front of him in that sentence. Reading that line made me feel nervous. But you're on the right track. Children need love and I do believe you can provide him with that but does it have to be as his parents? Will you be able to put him ahead of yourselves? If he gets sick, will you and your future husband leave at him at home to go to your date when he wants mommy and daddy? Can you put him ahead of your own romantic needs and desires? I know I'm reading a lot into the last sentence but children are sensitive to these things and always comparing what it means to be loved and wanted because they don't have a conception of what unconditional love it. And that suggests offers a worry that you might not know either. You sound like you two are in the "honeymoon" phase your relationship and bringing a child into that may not be good for the child. I'm not saying parents can't be romantic with one another but you may not like having to be a mom instead of having some adult fun late at night. There has to be a balance and I don't know if people in the "honeymoon" stages of their relationship can find that balance. Also, think about what it will mean to have a mixed family of adopted and biological children for yourselves emotionally. Are you the type of people that will still love your adopted son after you have your own? How will you explain to him you'll still love him because all children feel this fear when a new child comes into the picture. Adoption and knowing what that is will only add to his anxieties. You'll have to be prepared for that future situation too.

Ocimom

You first need to get married to your fiancé. Then you need to speak with an international adoption agency and explain things to them. I have no idea if you would be able to adopt a sponsored child but they would be the best people to talk to.

Faaa

Wow that is very noble, hat's off to you sir