My friend didn't choose me as a bridesmaid, i feel hurt...should I not attend the wedding?

drip

You were never entitled to be a bridesmaid. You think this is a popularity contest, it is not. Bridesmaids are picked for different reasons. Not everyone the bride is friends with can be a bridesmaid. You shouldn’t take this as a direct insult to you. You talked about a bond , yet your first response to not being a bridesmaid is to ditch her wedding. You can be desappointed, but there is no reason to be mad at her

P

It may have little to do with you personally. It is incredibly hard to chose your bridesmaids\groomsman. Sometimes you just want to keep the wedding party small because it just doesn't work logistically with your fiance's side and you have to cut out very close friends. Other times you are trying to chose some people that are better equipped for things like certain religious tasks or to arrange bachelor/bachelorette parties. To keep close friends from getting hurt my wife and I ended up cutting our wedding party down to brothers and sisters only. Frankly having been in a few myself, it's a huge expense that I don't need anyway since I can still enjoy the wedding without having to be in it. Please don't judge your friendship on this. I know it won't be easy, but you need to try to let this one go.

runningman022003

You should attend the wedding...don't ruin her day. Be the bigger person. Besides, there is a lot of information missing. Sometimes brides are under pressure to pick family (hers or his) to be in the wedding...

Anonymous

I would be celebrating dodging a bullet if I were you. Being a bridesmaid is a pain in the butt. As far as being hurt goes, get over it. The only wedding you are guaranteed participation in is your own. You can be grateful that you were invited or you can stay home and pout. Either way, no one is going to get worked up about it. As you've discovered, someone else's wedding doesn't revolve around you.

Hurricain

It's a shame that weddings create so many hurt feelings. I finally got both of my daughters married off and there was far too much family drama surrounding both of the weddings. Try to take this as constructive criticism, but if your enthusiasm and happiness because your friend was getting married was contingent upon you being chosen as a bridesmaid...and you would think of boycotting her wedding because she didn't choose you...then it's not your friend's fault that you don't have the "bond" that you thought you did.

Jerry

Your sense of entitlement is overwhelming. Yes, do her a favor and break off the friendship.

AmeLiaQuarida

it s her wedding, it s her day, she can choose whomever to be her bridesmaid. you, on the other hand, had hopes and expectations from her, and when her decision doesn t compile to your expectations, therefore it resulted in you being disappointed and frustrated. Kindly learn not to be selfish.

Kelly

It's normal to feel disappointed and maybe hurt in these situations, but in the end nobody is owed a spot in someone else's wedding. You're also not owed an explanation of why you were not asked. A lot of things go into picking out your bridal party and the truth is, you can't have everyone. There's also the other half of the couples opinion and choices too. It's possible the groom had a sister or someone he's close to that he wanted as a bridesmaid, there's nothing wrong with that. My husband and I picked our bridal party together, some of his groomsman and an usher were my picks (2 groomsmen were my brothers and an usher was my cousin) and 2 of my bridesmaids were his picks (his sister and sister-in-law). Now I wasn't close to his sister and SIL, but he was and it was important to him, I am close to both of them now. Sometimes you also have to be strategic to avoid drama if you can. I did that with my brothers wife, she is quite insecure and would have straight up thrown a temper tantrum if my brother was paired with someone other than her so despite that I do not even like her, she was in my wedding too. Having her just made life easier (for myself and my brother). Boycotting a wedding because you weren't asked to be a part of it shows immaturity and will create more problems than it will solve.

Common Sense

Boycotting the wedding is not a great idea. However, it is a childish thought. I understand you are hurt by not being asked to be her bridesmaid. You simply were not included, but that does not mean you were excluded. She has her reasons for asking others. Try hard not to allow this to hurt you because it could ruin your relationship.

Lita

If you want to show your friend that you act like a bratty toddler when you don't get things you mistakenly believe you are entitled to have, by all means don't attend.

BeatriceBatten

Feeling hurt or disappointed is fine. Threatening to boycott the wedding over this is asinine. Stop being a baby. YOUR expectations and YOUR wishes are just that - YOURS. It's nobody else's responsibility to fulfill the expectations you've developed for yourself. If you built up your expectations too high and now you're disappointed because they didn't come to pass, then that's not your friend's problem.

Ocimom

So what? If you can't be nice to her and have a better attitude then don't attend the wedding. But you are in the wrong to feel hurt because you were not picked. Maybe she knew the ones she picked a lot longer (perhaps some are relatives).

Messykatt

It's fine to be hurt, disappointed or even surprised. But there's really nothing you can do about it. If she's a good friend, why would it even cross your mind to bail on the wedding? There may be lots of reasons why this happened and your details are kind of vague. Maybe she's only having a MOH and Best Man. Maybe her parents are paying for the wedding and they're requiring she include certain people. etc etc. The only thing I know is if you want to bail on the wedding to punish her, you can do this. But it will end your friendship. Also, if you end up going, do not ask her about this. She might volunteer the info, but if she doesn't, all you're doing is creating awkwardness.

Matthew

So first off, did she choose someone else or shrink the size of her bridal party? You have to consider how much it costs, people always get cut, sometimes not even invited. It's a tremendously wasteful expense that you just gotta do. If she has three bridesmaids, one is her sister, one her sister in law and another friend don't feel bad. Suck it up. If she's got like 6 bridesmaids and all of them friends then I can understand how you feel. You still gotta go and then just have fun. You don't want to be remembered as being petty.

linkus86

Yeah, not going to her wedding will teach her she can't treat you that way! Because that is what friendship is about, deserting each other when you need each other. Wait … that isn't it … Friendship is about sticking around for each other even when things aren't ideal. Its about accepting another person despite all of their faults, the same way they accept you and overlook all of your faults (like selfishness). Yeah, not about revenge.

KayleenR

You are totally wrong thinking this way. The reason she did not choose you as a bridesmaid, is so you can really enjoy her day without the responsibility that comes with being a bridesmaid

history

Perhaps, since to you it was a contest and you think you were unrighteously eliminated, you might be better off not attending her wedding, declare the friendship a total loss, victimize yourself, and make everything all about you! That trait is going to hurt you a lot in life. I bet she knows nothing about this and had no clue that her friendship with you would be based on something like not asking you to buy a dress of her choosing and stand on a tiered step in uncomfortable shoes while she attends to the public showing of a very personal event. Hey! We all have our standards.

Tara

It hurts - but don't let anyone know it. Give it time to get over it (or let the pain ease up) … and go to her wedding . Be the bigger person .. you won't regret it later on.

Linda

Stop acting so immature - GROW UP. She can select anyone she wants as a bridesmaid and it is NONE of your business.

running n mt

Your friend didn't mean for you to feel like that she had her plan and it did not include hurting you, you should go and be by your friend's side. Have a good time, enjoy your friend and be supportive, life is short and don't waisted being negative.

Little Ms Sunshine

I'm sorry that you feel hurt, but you are the one responsible for your own emotions, not your friend. If you care about her and the friendship, then be there to show your support and share in the joyous time, even if you're not "in the show."

opinionated

why do woman get so entitled about weddings?

g

No one is obligated -or able- to have all their friends in their wedding. Sometimes people choose to limit their attendants to a few very close family members or friends, and that is by necessity a short rather than long list. Feel however you feel but it's actually pretty childish of you.

Hey!

Get over yourself. Go to the wedding.

Liz

Yeah, you should probably not attend the wedding. They can do without a pouty brat in attendance.

Fred

She may be obligated to use the others for bridesmaids and cannot use you. I think you would be behaving like a spoiled brat if you let it upset you and did not attend.

sheloves_dablues

And THAT is why she didn't ask you. Anyone whose friendship depends on being part of the wedding party is someone who isn't worth asking. Seriously.. You are not entitled to be part of her wedding party and the idea that you would refuse to attend is proof that you're not a good friend to this person. You don't get to be hurt.. you were never entitled in the first place.

Fairy

It's completely normal to feel hurt, but I would still attend her wedding. If you miss her wedding it may ruin the friendship completely. Do not let your feeling get in the way of your friendship. Maybe there is a reason she did not pick you. Maybe she knew the other girls better or maybe her fiancé and her agreed to only a certain amount of groomsmen and bridesmaids. Please do not miss her wedding over this. Talk to her after the wedding and just ask why? This is her special day. It's about her so don't ask her why before the wedding and make it about you. Everything is going to be alright!

Pizza_Monster

This is exactly what the bride fears is that someone will be offended because they were not picked. Dont be dramatic about it. Let her enjoy this moment in her life and dont make it about you

thegreatone

She can choose whoever she wants as bridesmaid, even complete strangers, if she wants to. And, she probably has other friends she did not choose, either. It's not personal. She simply chose the people she wanted to choose. And, you would choose whomever, too, when your wedding comes around, and it will be nothing personal toward the people you do not choose. If you want to go to the wedding, go. If you don't want to go, don't go. She will miss you if you don't go.