Would would you rate it? 😕?

Lapiz Dominoes

I rate it 9 for meanings and brevity - elegant, sparse. I rate it 5 for poetic style but practice and read lots of poets as your gist is very fair. `Crisp, like the cusp of an ocean wave, your eyes, ice-deep -blue draw me, dash me to beneath the cruel ocean. Fish am I now - just a fish. Behind such scalpel glance I glimpse your mask slip. Too late you are exposed to me as helpless this fish is razored through a thousand single scales. eyes that can only cut. Unedited, this free verse is no better than yours but to give you a not very gourmet taste of how free verse can work. One tries not to begin stanzas with the same word and you try, with free verse, to get a sense of INNER rhythm unless you are going to write rhyming verse. I like the `them eyes` yet didn`t use it as I wrote trying really to just offer the sense of rhythm to the atmosphere.you had successfully set. You might read other free - verse poets - as you have a good sense of how words work toward atmosphere - `must - have` for poetry! You might relish the emotional inspiration, and build upon your strengths in a Poetry Course. You could read Adrian Henri, Pablo Neruda, Stevie Smith, Larkin, Sharon Olds, - all the free verse poets..do not waste so much of a good hint of talent, but nourish it, k?.

WanderingTraveler

7 You have a lot of cliches here, It reminds me of a song. Try reading more poetry. I'm not a great one either, but I have my two cents.

william ellis

Place random sentences together add a beat, you got Rap....

Anonymous

cool dude

Anonymous

its great. keep it up and I normally critique poems lol

Noah Thall

Adolescent.

Stylem

very feeling.