Help correcting this paragraph for a story?

j

Instead of tap-dancing around the events, maybe consider a more personal narrative: "I looked up from my breakfast cereal; my mom was covered in a shimmering rosy light. 'Mom!' I said, 'do you know you're shining bright pink?' Mom sighed, '[your character's name here], you know you're just imagining; there aren't any such things as auras around people.'" These references could help: http://encyclopedia.summitlighthouse.org/index.php/Aura "Edgar Cayce on Auras and Colors."

bluebellbkk

Delete the weak word 'various'. And of course you mean 'There are no such things as auras'. Just fyi, a British writer would say, ...' when my phase HADN'T WORN OFF by the time I was ten' ...

ReneeGade

No. I can't help that paragraph. But I can say, if you hate to write beginnings, don't. Start in the middle. Begin where you know what happens next. Act it out. I also write outlines, so I know where the story is going and how to get from a to b. I write in chunks (a part of the outline) and then put the chunks together. By the way, write what you know about. And if you don't know, read and research until you do. I had to do research on portable toilets and how much it costs to drill a water well because my story takes place off-the-grid in the New Mexico desert. What plants grow there? What animals are there? Can a person live with fixing a broken leg? Good luck.

Rebecca Angela

Whatever happens, keep on writing, but read more, much more, much, much more.

Tina

i would have sent her to an oculist and possibly a doctor much earlier. I see auras too. It's because I'm prone to migraine.

Cogito

Apart from the things mentioned in the other answers, your English is weak. "It took me a while to realize THAT I was different. Actually, that isn't (I prefer 'that's not') entirely true. I was five when my parents began to worry, telling me that there ARE NO SUCH THINGS as auras. (Or there IS no such thing as AN aura. Check that your plurals match the verbs) They really began to worry when THIS 'phase' didn't wear off by the time I was ten, and began sending me to various therapists to address THE problem at THE AGE OF thirteen." (So they worried for three years?)

pianoman

If you hate writing why are you writing?